This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
