its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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