She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
