Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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