I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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