morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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