how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
