I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
