I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
