I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think I just sharted jello shots
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
