I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
