I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
