can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Come share oat with me in your robe
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
