Is it because I queefed?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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