He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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