we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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