So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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