Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
