apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
