Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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