i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
