I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
