Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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