i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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