well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
