i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
