Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
