never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
