Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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