your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
