We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
