dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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