im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
