He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
a search helicopter?!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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