So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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