Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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