I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
