My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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