whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
