It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
