Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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