just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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