i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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