Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
