Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
