I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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