Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
