He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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