I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
