did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
