you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
