I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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